This year the email has fallen off... election is over... email address changed... this blog is boring... but I wanted to share this email with you.

Freddallas,

It was good talking to you again. Since time was limited, it wasn't possible to give much of a response but the difficulty you shared is the 4th one of this type in the last month and is serious.

Here is the text of an entry for our Blog I wrote last night.

Love and Control

An impoverished elderly woman reduced to living on the cold,wet city street can look you in the eye and say, "I hurt deeply". A man standing in the living room of a fine house, car and a sound bank account can say the same thing - "I hurt deeply". Our relatives, our wives, husbands, sons, daughters, in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends can and do hurt us deeply.

(And we can and frequently do the same to them.)

Emotions that become part of ourselves are called Passions. St. Peter of Damascus (6th C.) identified passions like anger, sorrow, dislike, hate, harshness, trickery, malice, perversity, mindlessness, lack of understanding, idleness, flattery, lethargy, dearth of good actions, moral errors, greed, over-frugality, ignorance, folly, spurious knowledge, indolence, dispassion, deceit, delusion, and 257 more.

When we feel hurt it is difficult to sort our emotions because love and our own self-pride are intertwined. Part of our love is a desire for our loved ones to "be happy" and "do well". Tangled with our love is a desire to step into their lives, take control and "set things right". When we can't do this, the resulting frustration can cause us to dive into the stew of passions and perhaps never really be fully "normal" again.

These passions can take control of our waking thoughts and sleep. It is easy to point a finger at who may be wrong. Frankly, we are the ones stirring the stew of the Passions. For example, if we see a 45 year old drug addict on the street, we feel a certain amount of compassion but lose no sleep. If that person is our daughter, then the cauldron starts brewing. Too often it is we, ourselves who lit the fire and are punishing ourselves - not the daughter!

The desire for control of situations when mixed with love is, at best, a mess.

Consider this:
All love comes from Christ. Our hearts are mirrors and can reflect that love. This usually takes time and prayer on our part and Christ's grace. The result can be daily joy in God.
Pray for our loved one without forecasting an outcome.
Pray for ourselves, that we may be permitted to draw nearer to the source of strength.

(Not to give us strength - there is a difference)

You may want to write, in a little private book, the names of those you pray for each day. After praying - CLOSE THE BOOK, GO ON WITH YOUR DAY, LET GOD WORK.

May Christ grant you peace of soul and body today.
Fr. David