How HOT is it in TEXAS?





IT'S SO HOT in TEXAS THAT:


....the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
....the trees are whistling for the dogs.
....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
....hot water comes from both taps.
....you can make sun tea instantly.
....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly.
....you discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car.
....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 A.M.
....your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?
....you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.
....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out
and add butter.
....the cows are giving evaporated milk.
....farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled eggs

IT'S SO DRY IN TEXAS that:

The Baptist are starting to baptize by sprinkling,
The Methodists are using wet-wipes,
Presbyterians are giving rain checks,
And the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!