http://www.ex-boyfriendcollection.com/blog/2008/12/December 29, 2008
The Most Awesomest Water Ever
Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: bottled water, funny, rants, water — ex-boyfriend @ 6:07 pm
It’s been a bad December. My girl got the flu, her car got towed, our cat died, we missed every fun holiday party our friends hosted. All of these issues kept us away from the gym and we are now not only broke due to vet bills, but we’re also feeling pretty fat and digusting due to copious alcohol consumption and lack of exercise. The other day, after trying to get back on the horse with the gym, we had to run some errands, so we stopped into Whole Foods for some water. We were feeling rather parched.
You can’t just get regular old water at Whole Foods, no sir. At Whole Foods you’re presented with a technicolor wall of water-like substances promising great things. This is water 2.0. You can have fruit water, mineral water, vitamin water, energy water, relaxation water, water that makes your manhood larger. You name it, there is some kind of water for it at Whole Foods.
We finally settled on a very sexy bottle of Eternal water, mostly because it was on sale. This was also the most water-like of the water options. First of all, you have to love the sexy product packaging, it’s shaped like a woman. Hot hot! The very name implies that drinking this stuff will make you eternal — eternally young, eternally appealing to the opposite sex.
It wasn’t enough that this water came in a curvy bottle, it proudly proclaims that it is from New Zealand and that it’s artesian water and loaded with silica. I am not sure why I should care about all these things, but apparently these are important perks when it comes to Eternal water.
I’d be a damn fool to drink anything out of the tap, and Brita be damned. Go have a gander at the Eternal water website, you’ll see it’s more than a beverage, it’s an experience.
I’d love to be the guy that comes up with the marketing copy for bottled water, because I’d just make stuff up that sounds good.
It’s not like anyone would check up on these things. Drink our splendid water. It’s harvested daily from Himalayan icecaps by Tibetan monks, using handthrown clay pots blessed by Buddha himself. You’d definitely want to buy this water!
FD: You can buy it at HEB's Central Market where it is their "house water" or as it used to be called "the store brand." It seems that the sale was related to what the Kiwis are calling the "American Toxic Mortage Collapse". Folks, the word on the street at the G-20 Conference in Europe this week is that the USA brought on this world-wide financial crisis... they are expecting USa to fix it. Talk about getting my water turned off...
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